How to start again…when your hobbies and passions take such a backseat that they fall of the wagon, as you drive on towards “success.”
There’s a little quote that comes up a lot, “if you can’t change the situation, change your attitude.”
This, of course, is easier said than done. Aside from moving forward in the wake of Trump’s presidential election, I’ve also been dealing with a personal issue. My job has been extremely demanding since the start of the school year. I’m used to hard work and long hours, but this year, I was looking forward to more balance in my daily life. I completed my fashion show at the end of September and costumed designed my last show (for awhile) in the middle of October. I was excited to give my best to my day job and have some time in the evening for language-learning and creative pursuits.
This didn’t happen. I quickly got sucked into a heavier workload than I’d imagined and found myself teaching various grades a variety of school subjects with lots of new material to delve into, plus extra projects, meetings, and challenges to add to the mix. I was often arriving at work around 7:45 and leaving around 5 or 6 PM feeling exhausting, only to go home to do more lesson planning for the next day.
This was not ideal. And with the hours of daylight getting shorter and the fluorescent bulbs burning into my glazed eyes, the job I had looked forward to going to became one that I dreaded. I was exhausted all the time. Something had to change.
I tried to speak to my bosses about a schedule change, but to no avail, the schedule was set for the school-year, these were my classes. I spoke with my coworkers (luckily, I’m friends with most of them). One empathised with some no bull-shit wisdom and told me that it was like her first year of teaching (it’s my 5th year teaching and 2nd full-time at one school) and that this is just the way it goes when you’re teaching new material and new grades. Others told me to ease up, and reminded me that I’m a human being and not to be so hard on myself.
I tried to remind myself all the positive things about my job, but that going into the new year, I couldn’t just blame the challenges on it being 2016 anymore. It was time to change my attitude and my game plan.
Step 1: I had to cut back on my perfectionism. Comparing myself to coworkers I admired and the amazing teachers I had growing up, and comparing myself to how I taught last year wasn’t going to get me anywhere. I had to remind myself that my coworkers had been at this a lot longer than I had, most of my former teachers had also been teaching for a long time before I entered their classrooms, and last year my schedule and classes had been a walk in the park (compared to this school-year).
Breaking news! I’m a human being and human beings can only handle so much! I know I have to stop stressing over every detail and mistake and that some things will fall through, no matter how much that pains me as a person who is passionate about education and has experienced the positive impact amazing teachers can have on one’s life. I just want to give my best, but I can’t do that if my energy is depleted.
Step 2: I had to focus on getting sleep. I love staying out late on the weekends with friends and using weeknight evenings to work on creative projects and reading, but now I have to learn to cut back. Staying up til midnight or later and getting up at 6 A.M. to teach kids is not fun. Less than 6 hours of sleep is not enough for me. So now, I’ve been favouring earlier bedtimes for the weekends to keep my sleep schedule in check and aiming to power off my computer by 10:00 during the weeknights. I could probably stay up all night reading articles about psychology, fashion, or researching extra details for my lesson plans, but at some point I have to call it a night. Sleep is sacred and dancing all night can wait for summer.
Step 3: I had to get my life back, as in, going back and forth between school and work (especially when you don’t see any daylight) was getting depressing. I had been spending my evenings researching and reading for my lessons, laying in bed hoping for some kind of change, when I realised,of course, the change had to start with me. I’m especially affected by weather and winter is never an easy time for me (SAD is not fun!), so I had to stop putting all my efforts into school and regain my passion in other areas of my life.
This month, I’ve made progress assisted by the new craze of bullet-journaling. I’ve started up Czech lessons, going to the gym to get those exercise endorphins (torture for those of us who feel like hamsters on a wheel and would much rather be outside), and I’ve even started painting a bit, even if it’s only for thirty minutes. I’ve been using my commute time to study psychology and will start some dance classes with friends in February (better endorphins than being a hamster). I’m also planning to take Spanish and additional Czech lessons with my coworkers.
…I’ve also started writing again! And as a test to my anti-perfectionism and nearing power-off time, I will not check this article a billion times for errors before I post it.
Through all this, I’ve also had an amazing support system of friends near and far, who have nearly brought me to tears with their kind words, empathy, wisdom, and ears for listening. I know I’m lucky to have them in my life.
Anyway, I hope this helps anyone else who has been feeling stuck lately.
Happy 2017!
XO- Mel
Móda Mel 